I spent yesterday listening to the news of the Boston Marathon bombings on the radio, because I have no TV where I’m currently staying. If I had TV, I would have been glued to it, watching obsessively. But this time, I kept turning the radio off, and walking upstairs to try and work. The work didn’t happen, and I knew it wasn’t going to. I found it hard to go back to the radio. Each time I heard someone talk about all the limbs lost, I froze inside, feeling ill. I’ve stood next to a car bomb when it exploded and know something of the terror it causes. Everything disappears, your body shifts into auto-pilot, and you start running. A feeling of pure, blind panic fills you from head to foot. I also lived through 9/11 in New York City and vividly recall walking around for a week feeling numb inside, no longer sure what day it was.
The deep sadness I felt at the news of the bombing, and the slowly mounting death toll, was infected by another kind of sadness. I kept thinking about the bombs that still regularly go off in the streets of Baghdad and Kabul, and in the provinces of Iraq and Afghanistan. Some of those bombs kill as many as sixty people in a single blast and injure hundreds more, and they happen because of the instability caused by our invasions. I was never a supporter of the war in Iraq, though I did support the war in Afghanistan and believed we had a purpose in that fight. It makes me feel ill today thinking that every week in both those countries there are bombs exploding far more powerful than the two bombs that devastated the Boson Marathon. Car bombs, IEDs, mortars, mines, our own bombs.
The last thing I want to do is diminish the terror and pain and loss and grief felt by those in Boston, and by their family and friends in other parts of the country or the world. I’m grieved and shocked by it, and want the perpetrators brought to justice, be they home-grown right wing nutcases or Al Qaida-sympathsizing goons. But as I sit here thinking of the loss and grief, I cannot help but think of my own complicity in the ongoing loss and grief of families in Iraq and Afghanistan, however worthy or unworthy the cause might have been. In some parts of the world, it’s Boston every day, and though I don’t like to admit it, as an American, I helped to make that happen.
So my thoughts are with the people of Boston. They deserve our good wishes and prayers. But they are also with grieving families in Iraq and Afghanistan, and in other battlefields in this past decade of wars. Let us try and build a decade where no one has to grow up with the sound of bomb blasts ringing in their ears.
A magazine asked me to write a freeform encyclopedia entry for Arturo Bandini a while back, which I happily did; but then they changed the format on me, to something considerably more dull and straightforward, and wanted me to do my work over again. This I didn’t do, and they let it slide and never paid me. So I’m posting it here, because I thought it was rather good, just as it was.
Arturo Bandini
“Ah Camilla! When I was a kid back home in Colorado it was Smith and Parker and Jones who hurt me with their hideous names, called me Wop and Dago and Greaser, and their children hurt me, just as I hurt you tonight. They hurt me so much I could never become one of them, drove me to books, drove me within myself, drove me to runaway from that Colorado town, and sometimes, Camilla, when I see their faces I feel the hurt all over again, the old ache there, and sometimes I am glad they are here, dying in the sun, uprooted, tricked by their heartlessness, the same faces, the same set, hard mouths, faces from my home town, fulfilling the emptiness of their lives under a blazing sun.”
Ask the Dust, John Fante
Not an immigrant himself, but the child of immigrants, pugilistic, angry, often starving, a wordsmith of an underbelly Los Angeles, a chronicler of a dark side of the moon city in the thirties, passionate, purposeless, bigoted, supremely egotistical, and cut through with more self-loathing than quartz in a California schist, this is Arturo Bandini, John Fante’s magnificent creation and alter-ego in his novel Ask The Dust. He steps onto the stage like many an unlettered peasant torn between two continents. “You are a coward, Bandini,” he says of himself, “a traitor to your soul, a feeble liar before your weeping Christ. This is why you write, this is why it would be better if you died.” Openly modeled on Fante’s own younger self, Bandini is a soul in agony, driven to prove himself, too poor to be a successful drunk, too self-conscious to bed a hooker, and almost choking on his own self-regard. Much as Fante remained a writer’s writer for most of his life, valiantly obscure until he was championed by Charles Bukowski, Bandini is an outsider’s outsider, his immigrant’s rage more closely twinned to Dostoyevsky’s murderous protagonist Raskolnikov. But unlike Raskolnikov, or many of the other deadbeat literary anti-heroes that bear the mark of Bandini’s paternity, there is a wild, unstoppered energy to Arturo, a lifeforce that plunges him headlong into the world, even if it’s often a world of his own hopeless dreams and unreasonable desires. His faults are the follies of too much passion, of caring too deeply, of youth in the moment of explosion, and as much as he is a mirror to torment, he is equally a mirror to a more brilliant world, whose cracked shards shimmer ever so briefly with the grace of a life lived to its very utmost.
Scott Turow’s excellent op-ed in today’s New York Times. A must read for authors.Link here.
Last October, I visited Moscow and met with a group of authors who described the sad fate of writing as a livelihood in Russia. There is only a handful of publishers left, while e-publishing is savaged by instantaneous piracy that goes almost completely unpoliced. As a result, in the country of Tolstoy and Chekhov, few Russians, let alone Westerners, can name a contemporary Russian author whose work regularly affects the national conversation.
The Constitution’s framers had it right. Soviet-style repression is not necessary to diminish authors’ output and influence. Just devalue their copyrights.
I made this list in January 1997, when I cleaned out the glove compartment of my 1984 Toyota Tercel, and shortly after I started reading Georges Perec and other Oulipo writers. The reason to empty it was that it was so packed I could no longer open it. It turned out the back hinge was jammed shut by a Velvet Underground cassette tape case. Perec was a veritable king of lists. He once listed everything he ate and drank over an entire year, and his alcohol consumption alone was astonishing. So this one’s for him.
Here’s the list:
2 Phillips Head screwdrivers
1 Red Luxury lip gloss, very old, probably Maria’s
1 Very battered pocket copy of Tao Te Ching
4 Batteries
1 Immature mammal limb, probably sheep femur
1 Mechanized pencil
1 Green pen from the Courtyard by Marriott Hotels
1 Ticket to Lava Beds National Monument for June 6th (year unknown)
1 Basin Research Associates business card
1 Melted plastic case for fuses
1 PCV valve (in box)
1 Plastic box of electrical connectors
1 Lid to Chinese tea cup
1 Brown band for sunglasses
1 Poloroid of myself with John Sloane excavating a human burial
1 Old medicine bottle
1 1” paint brush
1 Yellow pencil
1 Still from the movie Bhaji on the Beach
1 Letter from Chris in Russia (February 1991)
1 Card for Heath Paterson, Loan Agent
1 Packet of AAA info
1 Biorhythm chart for May 4, 1991, indicating:
good luck
high romance
low creativity
high health
high sex
good ambition
high endurance
low finance
good friendship
high leisure plans
lucky nos: 5 & 52
1 Sunglasses case
1 American Youth Hostel Handbook for 1990-91
1 Saguaro Credit Union checkbook
1 Pink napkin
1 Package of Johnson & Johnson rolled gauze (price $2.69)
8 Cassette tapes
1 Wind-up jumping frog (Stephanie’s)
1 B&W photo of my back from the 1984 Duckpond concert
Various receipts and scraps of paper
9 cents in change
Looking back at this list today, I wish I had written down who the bands were on those tapes. But I am sure somewhere, somehow, that knowledge is known. Because nothing is ever truly lost.
There has always been something a little too perfect about Mitt Romney. He is a lifelong teetotaller, a non-smoker, the kind of fella who eschews salty language for an old-fashioned “aww shucks”, a dedicated family man with an overflowing brood of gorgeous children and grandchildren, and a successful Republican governor in one of the nation’s most liberal bastions, Massachusetts, the home of the notoriously drunken, cursing, womanising and bleeding heart Kennedys.
Arturo Bandini exists at the intersection of several wide boulevards of self-loathing. The self-loathing Dago, the self-loathing dickhead, the self-loathing artist. Mixed in is a glorious egotism, a love of self and belief in his own ability struggling to burst free; all the while, sentimentality butts heads with a tempered viciousness. Arturo Bandini is John Fante’s creation, the anti-hero of his novel Ask The Dust, and he is a creation who could only have been dreamt up in mid-century Los Angeles.
Ask The Dust appears the same year as Nathanael West’s The Day of the Locust, but where the latter turns a caustic eye toward the outer world, and pours scorn on everyone who inhabits the day-to-day of contempoarary dream factories, Fante stares inward. His Klieg lights illuminate his soul, not the murky goings on in the studio back lot, and he meets the world with viciousness that is coiled into a sentence, not a fist. The only stars mentioned here are the real ones, in the faraway night sky, and this is not a city of freeways, but one that lives, tenuously at best, on the edge of the Mojave Desert. Sand is flying westward, ever threatening to bury this dreambirth city and all who claim to live in it.
But Bandini’s life is the artist’s life, constantly mocked by the fact of its own self-consciousness. His moments of triumph are accompanied by the inner dialogue that these will be used, transformed, put eventually into words; as readers, who are reading those words, we become intimate with a young man’s despearation for life, for immortality, for art, for self-creation, for self-destruction, and for love, and all of this simultaneously, as if watching him with Argos eyes. Fante’s art, his artist Bandini, is the art of laceration and while Nathanael West takes us on a journey that at times feels mythic, that could almost have been plotted by the picaresque storytellers of ancient Irish epics, Fante’s inward journey sears the blood out of his own veins and leaves the body, as if cut up after an autopsy, as little more than a wretched reminder on a coroner’s steel examination table.
West seeks to wound others, Fante aims the knife at his own heart.
One of John Fante’s literary heros was Knut Hamsun. He was also an artist of self-laceration, but unlike Fante, he ended life as a fascist and an open supporter of Adolf Hitler. As a token of his loyalty, Hamsun sends to Goebbels the Nobel Prize medal he was awarded in 1920. Such a fate could not have met Fante. Unlike the hero of Hamsun’s classic Hunger, Fante’s Arturo Bandini is drawn with a desperate tenderness; his blood is our blood, his rage is our rage, his need breathes through every pore of his skin and sings like a song of a thousand silent hearts. Hamsun’s journey was the nihilist’s trek, shot through with disgust, as was, years later, Louis-Ferdinand Celine’s. Both writers met similar ends as supporters of fascism and artists of nihilism. Fante remains the optimist, for what he sees when he peels back the final layer is a human being in the fullness of his humanity, which is a frail creature indeed who stands on the edge of a vast and unknowable desert.